So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
