We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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