you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
