Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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