You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
