shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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