Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
