she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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