so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
