I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
