After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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