I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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