arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
