Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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