I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
