My liver just broke up with me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had sex on a roof
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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