So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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