I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
