she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
