Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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