I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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