1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
