come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
