i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
