You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
