conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
