I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
