I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
