Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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