i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
