Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
