omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
