She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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