Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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