im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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