maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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