We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
