I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
