I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
