im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
