I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
