you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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