so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
