u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
