pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ketchup is God's man juice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
