i'm signing you up for texting rehab
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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