Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
