pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
