I cannot find my penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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