She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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