For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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